The First Year

I thought, not sure why, that F and I would sail through the first year marriage unscathed. Not so. Turns out it's harder than I thought and F had a lot of preconceived notions about marriage just "working itself out" and "love being enough" and all that. It's hard sometimes to think that this marriage didn't ruin a really great relationship and that is terrifying. I don't want to fail again -I told you so. And sometimes, I get so angry, so frustrated that I want to leave and I realize that, for the first time in my life, I have no where else to go. This is the end of the line. So there is everything to lose.
And apparently, the job market isn't quite hailing my return as the comeback of the decade either. It's tougher than I thought out there and with all the dot commers and loan officers now flooding the market and willing to take much less compensation than their previous lives afforded them. The Feds aren't hiring either as they're currently being sucked dry by the now-retiring baby-boomers. Don't get me wrong, I know these people deserve their pensions and I'm glad they have them. It just makes no sense. Feds are now contracting out more of their work in some sectors than they're hiring internal folks to do, because, even if they pay employees significantly less, the retirement and benefits factor makes contractors, at significantly higher per hour rates, the more affordable option.
And in some 40 odd days we'll have a new CAC/POTUS.
If it's John McCain, F has seriously raised the possibility of becoming ex patriots because, to us, it would be such a phenomenal slap in the face and pending catastrophe. Don't be confused. John McCain is a war hero. He is a hero, but I think there is some very large constituent of people who, for purely altruistic reasons, want to reward him for spending 5.5 years in a Vietnamese prison camp with the presidency of the United States. So wrong, so dangerous. I don't blame him, given his history, for having anger management issues and perhaps impulse control issues, but I don't want him anywhere near the red button. And Palin. Such a cheap shot for the Hilary demographic, it's nauseating. What I can't understand is that, if he wanted to grab those 'up for grab' voters, why not choose a female running mate that is even remotely prepared for VP. There are PLENTY. This is a woman who was gunning for a news anchor spot only 2 years ago. And you all know all the rest, no foreign policy experience or even knowledge thereof, let alone an understanding of her current president's foreign policy. Maybe it's big words that confuse her? Charlie Gibson maybe should have asked - "Do we like those bad middle eastern guys?" I would have appreciated it. At least I could have come away with some understanding of her feelings and anticipated her positions. As for as the debates that McCain in now trying to shield her from. It will happen. She will look like an idiot. Republicans will hail her as a maverick and an agent for real change and excuse her ignorance and lack of basic understanding of national issues. It SO doesn't matter. Dumb the questions down.
I wonder what Man Coulter has to say? I'm sure she's had plenty to say but I avoid her hate filled verbal diarrhea and avoid it all costs. I just want to shake her and say, "It is OK to be a woman trapped in a man's body!" No need to take it out on the innocent public, and no need to plaster awkward picture of yourself posed in strange positions in clothes that reveal just a little too much post op tranny-ness on the cover of your idiot books. Yeah, if democrats had any brains, they'd be republicans - but if Coulter had a vagina, she's be a woman.
Can't escape the economy; can't escape the idiots and can't escape the effect of these factors on a new marriage. Broke much? Bitter much? CHECK.