Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fond?

F has been gone for 10 days now and I am officially missing him. My sister went in for her surgery this morning and I am on baby duty. Currently, the only occupation baby is interested in relate to 1. plugging random things into my computer and ripping out the powercord while I try to work and 2. opening and closing any doors he can locate (sliding, screen, cabinet, bathroom, etc.) He also has an affinity for the barbecue on the porch that has precluded us from spending much time out there. He also enjoys rubbing his hands, feet and face all over any dirty surface available. This morning he threw his breakfast of tomatoes, scrambled eggs, cheese and cheerios on the floor by way of dislodging his high chair tray and flinging it across the kitchen. Somehow he was then upset. (He did it!) At the moment he is creaming very near to my face and smells like poo. I now see why his mother keeps him in pajamas unless they are going somewhere. I think he needs a nap, but am working and can't lie down with him at the moment.
F, please save me.
The bad news is that, due to some ridiculous clusterfucketry, F will be gone for an additional week. The good news is that F won't have to go back to Korea again the following week, as previously planned.
I wish all sexually-active teenagers could come over to my sister's house and babysit for, say, an hour. This is the best birth control I have ever experienced - and no hormonal side affects, unless you count the sheer exhaustion. This is day 1. Little man and I are going to have to come to some sort of agreement about napping and eating. I am now covered with milk, scrambled eggs and poo.He is exhausted, but I can't get him to sleep for the life of me and he is now screaming upstairs. I love him to death, and I hope to God he never has to go to daycare because I just can't see anyone doing this unless they had an emotional investment. I'd call my mother, but she'd likely drive down here post-haste and there would be 5 people in a 2 bedroom apartment rendering us all insane.
Please remind me to get my tubes tied when I get home.