Take This Job

Tomorrow is my official last day. I start at the new place on the 17th. Mark my words; I am putting it down now so I can confirm later - there is a set up going on. I won't bore you with details, but there is something not right, something someone isn't saying.
Or do I always think that? Do I always think that people are plotting against me? I mention this because my therapist threw that out at me one time. She pointed something out to me and the FIRST thing I said was - "Oh, and she knew she was doing it; she meant to do it."
And the therapist said, "Well, or not." "It might just be a coincidence." And I was like, Oh, right. OK.
But what it people DO plot against me an more often than other people. What I mean is, What is I am plotted against more than the average person? or What if I am plotted against the SAME as the average person, but I am more *aware* and hence, better prepared to deal with said *plotting*.
Also -aren't delusions of persecution a hallmark of schizophrenia? Maybe I'm just nuts. It seems like I'm pretty good at calling this shit, but maybe I call it every single time, even when it isn't, thereby giving me a de-facto "calling it" rate of 100%. Maybe I'm not as much persecuted as untrusting or afraid that the rug is going to get pulled out from me all the time, as a way of life. I try not to live my life that way, but it almost seems like it's better to always be prepared even though nothing may happen than to not be prepared the one time you really needed it. Emotionally, I mean.
Other news - my mom fell of the wagon. Bad habits, old (not good) friends, etc. She is choosing to live her life the way that she wants to (as a drunk, I guess). I am choosing to live my life not being exposed to her toxic alcoholism and the hurtfulness that that implies. But - I totally saw it coming. ;)
My little sister doesn't want to take baby around her while she's "being an alcoholic". My other sister and my mom think that she is trying to "blackmail" my mom into NOT drinking, which she, of course, has no right to do. But, what if you don't want your kid around a drunk, even if she is your own mother, because you have seen that person make some really bad choices, and it has nothing to do with blackmail? What if that is just the choice that you are making for your child? The outcome, the effect is the same - the child does not see the alcoholic grandmother, and so she can say it is blackmail, call it blackmail all day, every day, and there is nothing you can do to prove it otherwise.
Which makes Thanksgiving tricky. I refuse to go home to the nauseating reality that IS my home on a "off the wagon" Thanksgiving. Been there, done that. Last year (or the year before) my sister didn't even get to eat before she had to drive my mom home because she nearly went face first into her plate of mashed potatoes. So F and I will be couch-surfing in LA instead of enjoying a family holiday with my FAMILY.
I am so pissed at my mom for letting me down again.
I am so pissed at her for lying again.
No matter how far away I get, her drinking always effects me; I cannot escape it. It's like she wants to, is determined to damage me with her drinking. Did it have to be now? 3 weeks before Thanksgiving. Not to mention, money is tight right now and I bought F and I tickets to go home for Thanksgiving INSTEAD of somewhere we could be alone and relax. THAT is how much I wanted to see my family and she has ruined it all again, just like she always does, every single time.
Like France. And my sister's wedding when she hit on one of my sister's friends MARRIED Dad - seriously. And the time she peed herself in public. And don't even get me started about when I was a kid.
And here we are, right back where we started. Just like every time.